Crow Nation

Crow-licious, crow-dom, crow-ination, crow-able, crow-cronie, crow-crones, crow-buds, crow-fam,
Crow-crowns and for sure Crow And Go!

My family...the women are Crows,
The men are Explorers.
The children are jealous!!!

Sounds silly or trite, garrish or bright,
It is the us of our clan;
it is so much an "US" that it has officially (academically)  been called our:
Family Culture!!!!

Great Aunties started it, unbeknownst to them, they went and did what old crones do;  sat on a couch all in a row, arms folded over boney chests staring at the "youngins'" goins'-on and sniped, snipped, discected, sliced and diced the next generation.  A photo, graying and bent, shows the 'Aunties' on a couch, could have been a wire...sitting like crows and clacking about, "Those kids!!!"

The next generation of "Grama Crows" were caught unawares in a video.  Set up on a shelf in the room, aimed at their smoke-filled corner where they went on for as many hours as the videographer could stand, snipping and sniping, slicing and dicing, criticizing with audible clacks and tsks, the next generation of crowlets to come along!

A Bachelor Party turned "Explorer Expedition" began the boy end of the Culture.  Now young men are initiated into the Clan with an all male Hurrah! Hubba-Hubba-Falling-Down-Drunk-Horseshoe Playing-Fallderall in any remote location available.

The ladies (and I use that term loosely) weren't invited...EVER!  So we looked to our Ancestors for guidance and realized that we are all descended from the Great Crow Women...so we did what Women do. We organized.  Not just a few fancy get-togethers, but a multi-layered, picture laden, fun filled series of extravagant parties (Women-Crow-ONLY!), the last of which was last Friday night.

We have had Spa days, Luncheons in FANCY RESTAURANTS, Black-tie occasions (a mixer for Crows and Explorers, very fancy).  We've exchanged aprons and gossip, talked about every subject in the world.  We've solved the universe's  problems several times over.  Advised each other and the nation's leaders...to no avail! What we mostly do is get together as a family of women and love each other to bits.

This is no ordinary set of Crows, we collectively have, and/or are working on, more degrees than the law allows.  We have a couple of randy retirees, hard working singles and marrieds with amazingly creative jobs, Swirling Dirvish working moms, Drinkers-both wet and dry, Criers-both wet and dry,  newlyweds, but NO NEARLY DEADS!!! 


On Friday night, we met to exchange stories, share make-up and anti-aging tips, and to "Jump-In" our newest newlywed who is moving up from Probie to Provisional...hoping to just live long enough to be a "Senior Crow".  Sangria was the only blood shed and other than sitting her in an uncomfortable, plastic chair and grilling her for hours about her life, there wasn't much hazing!  What there was, was loving advice, uproarious laughter and good hearted teasing!  Who could ask for a better Friday night!

During the make-up and make-over/keep your love life steamin' part of the confluence, one of our "Senior Crows" even described the proper way to get your hubbie into the garage to perform...

...a full body spray tan, complete with the proper technique for holding the "girls" aloft for a ...complete and thorough tanning!!! Wink, Wink!!!

This is way more than clicking and clacking, snipping and snacking on our own young.  This is a wonderful group of women being women, practicing the art, and passing along what secrets we have gleaned along the way.  We even skyped in our Australian sister probie!

What strikes me about our Crow Clan is how clever, loving and creative we are.  I'm sure there is an Anthropological Epicenter in our vortex...just waiting for some cultur-ographer brave enough to wade in to write about it!  We are extraordinary each as one, but as a group, we are DYNAMIC!

Oh yeah, and did I mention the shoe-fetish!!!

I can't wait for our next adventure.  Dani you're up...Vintage Finds at the Beach..Whooppee!!!

Senior Crow - Out!

Sea Cruise

Hummmm along with the old Frankie Ford, Herman's Hermits song: "Sea Cruise"

Old man rhythm was in our shoes,
No use t' sittin' and a singin' the blues,
We left the dock at Adam's, we had nothin to lose,
Even when it's late it's still the BOOZE CRUISE!
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby,
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby,
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby,
Both my kids, they took me on a Booze Cruise!

Felt like jumpin', lady won't ya, join me please
Even tho you're crumpled over with your nose on you knees!
Da - da - dee - dum

I had to get get to rockin', took my hat off the rack,
Left at Queen Mary and we had to go back,
Be my guest ya' got nothin' to lose,
Won't you let me take you on a Booze Cruise!
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby
Got to get to rockin' on the Booze Cruise!

I got to get t' movin' baby I an't lyin'
My shoes are beatin' rhythm and it's not on time,
The boat is late, we got notin' to lose,
Won't ya' let me take you on a Booze Cruise!
OO-EE Boat's late baby,
OO-EE Boat's late baby,
OO-EE Boat's late baby,
Go to Maya wait around for Booze too!

Feel like jumpin' baby won't ya' join me please,
Would be better if I hadn't worn out my knees,
Da-da - dum, dum...

Feel like divin', but my fins are small,
If it weren't for Mai-Tai's I wouldn't be happy at all,
Be my guest ya' got notin' to lose,
Won't you let me take you on a Booze cruise!
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby
Oo-ee, oo-ee baby
Love to go a drinkin' on the Booze Cruise!

Got ta get ta goin' driver, I ain't lyin'
Could ya' just this one time be there right on time?
Now I'm beggin', boat come get me please,
Tossed drinks, drippin', now I'm on bendin' knee,
Oo-ee, oo-ee driver,
Oo-ee, oo-ee driver,
Oo-ee, oo-ee driver,
Won't you take me back to Adam's from the BOOZE CRUISE?!?

Thanks kids, I had a great time!!!

Nightmares

The school district, for whom I've worked for 30 plus years, cut off my email account.  Not that I checked it all that much since I've retired, but still..I don't exist for them any longer.  I got my last paycheck this week and my first retirement check last week (for two days in June).  That's all good!  But, I didn't expect to get a lump in my throat because I couldn't see any work emails.  I used to have hundreds a day.  Little problems to solve, big issues with which to deal.  Friends and foes, thinking, talking, complaining, bitching, pushing...lump's gone, email closed it's all good!  

When I began teaching, each September during the week before school started, I regularly had "the naked, shoeless nightmare".  My shrink friends call this the, "Oh-shit I'm not prepared dream", but it usually unfolded with me being locked out of the school yard topless and or shoeless...pants never really factored in???

Later in my career my dream evolved each step of the way.  Each year I was locked out of something, missing some or all articles of my clothes and searching, worrying, even occasionally having to return to finish a high school math class...mostly naked and really stupid (math-wise).

Last August my dreams were most vivid.  Naked in full color locked out of the staff development room where my whole staff waited for me...the door is see-through, geeze...what to do? 

Go in naked or stay out stupid!  I think I ran away.  Giggled and Jiggled away more precisely.  

Ah, the night terrors of the school principal.

Last night, after the rude email lancing, I dreamed I was locked in my old office.  Every time I tried to leave, my shirt flew off and when I finally got out to the street, I was, of course,

 naked from the waist up!

What does it mean? I kept wanting to go back in and get dressed! 

 I walked a few blocks to find my car...a lacy, white bra had magically been added...still embarrassed, 

I found I had locked myself out of my car and had to return to get my keys.  

Back and safe in my old office, I found a Dooley Dragon sweatshirt to cover my nakedness, 

and magically, there were my keys.  

I breathed deeply, said goodbye to school and left fully dressed, 

if not fashionably, at least covered.

So, would the shrinks say I shouldn't read too much into all this?  

Would they say I'm crazy, sane, sane-ish?  

My take is that what I've done for the past 40 odd years 

(represented by my cozy Dooley Dragon sweatshirt), 

will keep me covered in what I'll try next. 

Hopefully the naked, unprepared and locked out and/or in dreams are gone for a while. 

 Julie Next has her Dooley Dragon Sweatshirt at the ready and a set of dandy skeleton keys to open offensive stuck doors.  So...NEXT!  Julie, naked or not is ready to take it on!! 

It's all good, I've got two more email addresses...who needs 'em anyway!

Upstairs, Downstairs

It is a given fact, of which I have only recently become aware, that when you live in a two story house, you inevitably find yourself on the wrong story for the item you need and or want.  I liken this to living in alternate universes with a Grand Master organizing your inappropriately placed personages  to suit his not so funny sense of humor.  

If I leave the paper downstairs, GM (Grand Master) wants it upstairs.  If I throw away anything, it is immediately needed on the upper story, dusted for prints and thoroughly sanitized!  I am upstairs and I've left my book, glasses and underwear downstairs...what to do, what to do!  If only I could levitate down those stairs.  I'm wearing little holes in my heels from clicking them to go where the universe wants me, which is never where I am! 

Papers up, damn, coffee down.  Book down, damn, knickers up!  Therapist up, ice down.  Belicose Grand Master up...AH! me with grave hearing loss, down!  Who needs a book and glasses when you have earplugs and ice cream!!  Lovin' life in all my universes!

Housewifery

It has been many years since the whole house has been my responsibility.  To cook, clean, launder and such.  I now know that I did not praise my better half nearly enough for keeping all this stuff off my plate when I was working full time as a school principal.  Now my devoted house husband has the knee from Titania and is fluffed up in bed all day, except when I get to put he and the "knee from hell" through their Physical Therapy routine, which appeals to my sadistic side!  

He worked full time too, until the past few months and yet found time to keep the washing done, clean the kitchen to the point where I could never find anything, scrub and re-organize the garage, daily, and generally picked up and put down whatever needed pickin' up and puttin' down.  I took advantage of his ADHD and let him househusband to his heart's content.  It's alot to live up to and except for the garage thing, I'm keeping up (barely).  

What I need is a good case of ADHD to get this crap done!  And, oh, by the way, did I say that I've ALWAYS HATED HOUSEWORK!!! It can go without saying that I am not Suzy Homemaker, or Mikey Househusband, but I'm keepin' up and hangin' in.  

Thank god for the blues.  Me and Big Bill Broonzy are off to grocery store then a whip around to the bank, post office and local wine vendor.  Back to sheets and dust, then dishes and doodah...throw in a PT session and the icegirl cometh and you can call it whine time again!  Ah retirement, not for the faint of heart!

Another day

Another day, another week!  Thank the lord, my exercise week has finally arrived.  I planned a week to enjoy retirement, check!  Then we had hubbies knee surgery, prep./pre/post/and PT tra-la, tra-lee.  And now it is this week which is the beginning of my new life exercise program week(s).  I did 15 minutes of biking, stationary with my Kindle, hardly counts as exercise, but then I've done two 30 minute sessions of Physical Therapy with the alien knee patient and so I feel I've lived up to my narrow expectations of the first day of exercise week.

Then...we had a Worker's Compensation Audit..great when the principle is on mega-drugs and hooked up to an ice machine that whines like a '52 Dodge.  Then I went to the chair, which is what I kindly call the dentist.  You see my Dental Insurance runs out soon (due to Retirement) and I'm doubling up my sessions with Dr. Dred!  Wish she didn't look so much like a Surfer Girl, it would make it easier to get mad at her for causing me pain.

Well, I'm thoroughly thawed out and ready for my best buddies Mr. Kindle and Mr. Kendall Jackson, my twin companions these days.  Happy Retirement/Surgery/Exercise...Julie's life ain't boring!  I hear a book and a bottle calling my name!

Big Bill Broonzy

If you know me, you know I love the blues.  I spent about an hour today driving to and fro and was enchanted by a discussion on B.B. King's Blues Satellite radio about Big Bill Broonzy, including listening to many of his songs.
Big Bill was a blues man from the thirties to the fifties.  He wrote and recorded such great songs as "Hey, Hey", "See See Rider", "Key to the Highway" and on and on.  Now I know who inspired Eric Clapton.  Big Bill Broonzy really was an amazing person...One of my favorite songs is the controversial "Black, Brown and White Blues".  He was a risk taker!
The great thing about being me right now is that I could come right home and download his music along with ordering his Biography and Autobiography.
It makes me so happy to have the time and money to be able to study this man and his music.  I am one lucky girl and I do appreciate the hard work it took to get here!  Big Bill Broonzy and me...that's what next week will be!

Tired Week

From retirement week to TIRED week!  Just like that!  In and out, to and fro, up and down, in and out, up and down again, to and fro once more, tote and lift, stretch and lean...I'm pooped.  Now I know why I never became a nurse. In addition to the fact that I faint at the sight of blood, I'm not so good with injured people!   Teachers have to practice patience with other people's children, nurses have be patient with patients...and when the patient is your Sweet Babboo and he is hurting, patience for the patient is patently impossible!

So, just when you think you've got it down....life throws you a curve ball in the form of a titanium knee midway up the leg of Mr. Incredible!!!  PT at Three, YIPPEE for MEEEEE!!!  Is it too early to start drinking?  NAWH!!!!

Retirement Week

Well, this is the end of my retirement week.  
Can't say I'll miss it.  
Parties, dinners, friends, family, cards and letters, all have been great, but one has to get on with it.  
Tomorrow at 5:30 a.m. I take Left Brain in to get his new knee.  So...this next week will be Nurse Ratchett's week, then we'll see what comes next.  I still don't feel any compulsion to clean out my tupperware.  I suppose that will have to be another week; possibly some time in September.

Funny Book

I'm reading an hysterical book...

No! I Don't Want to Join a Book Club:  
Diary of a Sixtieth Year 

by Virginia Ironside

I got a quarter of the way through before I realized it was a work of fiction, not some old crone's real diary.  Which pretty much makes me an old crone.  My favorite part so far is that she is happy to be 60 and looks forward to being 70.  Not because she wants to do anything in particular, but because exactly the opposite, she wants to do old things and take it easy. "Te-ek--eet-ee-ee-zy mon", her Jamaican neighbor says. 

I've gotten so many questions lately about what I'm going to do now that I'm retired.  "What are you going to do with the rest of your life?",  my brother asked me at a funeral..."Well, not die right now that's my plan for today"' I wanted to say, but was shushed by a blue hair behind me.  

No gym memberships, no bicycle treks across Mongolia, no freekin' Italian or Spanish classes okay!  
Why do people expect that after working all your life that you should need or want to plan to do anything?  
Jealousy I say!They want to see you muddling about and failing at something that takes up time just to make themselves feel better about having to continue to work...Epiphany!!  So,...stop asking or my answer will be a resounding, "Nothing and who cares anyway?"

TEEK-EEEN-ET EEEZY MON!  
My plan and I'm stickin to it!

Space Chimps

Waterworks galore yesterday with all the kids and kids kids...Quesadilla bar to die for!  

This morning began with a whisper in my ear...6:02 a.m. 

 "Grama you said pancakes and Despicable Me'...GET UP!  

I haven't slowed down much since then.  Strawberry pancakes with a review of Shakespeare-in the form of Gnomeo and Juliet, then bunk bed hide and seek...and a respite with Space Chimps.  

Jack is three and I am not, but I think I like these movies better than he does.  

Space re-entry scared him :( sorry Jack Jack; glad to say we all made it back to earth safely and you tickle the heck out of me.  

Thanks for being you and for waking me up 

with an overflowing heart!  

GJ

Day 4

Friday's funeral was a tribute to my dear cousin Vance.  It was a celebration of this kind, loving, caring bear of a man, who taught me how to waterski and included me in his large and fun-filled family life when my family was falling apart.  He and I shared a grandmother full of witty hokey sayings like,

 "It's a great life if you don't weaken!",

which he oft repeated.

What the hell does that mean?  Either it's a great life or you're a weakling...what a silly choice!

My Mikey and I have built just such a fun-filled family in our life over lo these many years
 Today we will celebrate with all our clan;
 children and grandchildren, rockets and rock 'n roll,
bedsprings and Boulder City...
Quesadillas and sloppy kisses...
I can't wait 'til they get here to celebrate the Great Life we've built together,

modelled after loving, laughing, never knew a stranger, Vancer!

Sometimes you don't know until they have passed just what gifts your extended family has given to you.  Enjoy today and every day the nuggets of wisdom from your family and friends and ponder with me the gifts we've been given to make this a Great Life...hold the weakening!

Day 3

Day 3 dawns as a beaut!  Today I'm thinking of butterflies...those in my garden and those in my body.  

Everyday this week I've had lovely butterflies visit my garden and fluffy parachutes visit my innards.  I am joyful to have time to feel the delight that these days bring.  I'm lovin' life these days.  Butterflies and tummy parachutes, the type you get when you go on vacation...every day!!!  Going to my backyard for coffee, butterflies and parachutes....doesn't get any better than this Harlow!